Sad Hair Saga

Did you ever (Ladies) wonder what a gal does about her hair on an extended Loop Cruise?  Up until recently I have had wonderful luck with this but I may have taken it for granted and stop explaining correctly what I wanted in color & Cut...my fault of course but here is what happened:

1. I go to 5 yr old for a hair cut..okay, she was barely a grown woman with just 5 yrs experience... she cuts it so the two cowlicks in the back of my head now expose two holes absent of hair on my scalp!  If it doesn't grow out before I see the grand children I will tell them I had it cut that way on purpose so the eyes in the back of my head could see them better!  

2. Same girl also puts in highlights but misunderstands and puts on a toner and I end up with hair darker than I have ever had it!  

3. I come home and wash my hair with Dawn dish detergent... it is a little lighter.

4. I wash it again in same as above...it is a tiny bit lighter.

5.  Go and discuss this with Walmart salon... they sell me a Clarifying shampoo...Go home an wash with it... hair maybe a tiny bit lighter.

6. Next day I can't stand not looking like me so go to Walmart and get permanent hair dye in a beige blonde tone..don't want to go too blonde too soon.  It is late at night and I can't tell that it is lighter at all except it kinda looks orange!

7. Next morning I go to Walmart for highlights... turns out too blonde so they redo with some low lights... I think it is okay.

8. Get home and even Walter says it is not as blonde as it was... the sun had really bleached it out but I was liking the color.

9.  Then I go back to first gal for free redo... she puts in much lighter highlights which will no doubt bleach way too light after cruising in the sun a few days...she also puts in dark low lights... I think it is the contrast that I like...

10. I hear from my beautician at home who advises me NOT to go all over blonde that I won't like it and I agree!

So when do you think I can expect my hair to fall out???!!!!!  A wig would be great if it doesn't blow off while I'm on the foredeck!